SINGAPORE: A 33-year-old man has sparked discussion online after sharing that he spends 10 to 12 hours with his 32-year-old girlfriend during each meetup twice a week, while also footing almost every bill.
In a Reddit post, the man said he started wondering whether their relationship dynamics were actually normal after feeling increasingly drained “emotionally, physically, and financially.”
“Is my relationship with my GF normal? I’m not super sure if this is the norm and/or if I’m being petty and insensitive,” he wrote.
The couple has reportedly been dating for four months. The man, who runs a small business, said he earns around S$4,000 to S$6,000 monthly, while his girlfriend works in the government sector and likely earns around S$3,000 to S$4,000 or more.
According to him, their dates usually start around noon and stretch all the way until midnight.
“We would, on average, have dates that last for ~10-12 hours, starting from noon to around midnight, with a minimum of once a week but typically twice a week. Which is somewhat exhausting after a bit and also leaves me with little time and energy to do my own stuff/hobbies,” he shared.
He also revealed that his girlfriend frequently seeks reassurance and becomes emotional whenever he suggests cutting back on meetups because of work commitments.
“She said this is due to the traumas she has felt, which led to her needing more security and assurance,” he explained.
The man added that his girlfriend does not appear to have close friendships and also has a strained relationship with her family, which he believes may have contributed to emotional dependency in the relationship.
On top of that, he said he has been paying for nearly all of their meals and outings, which can total around S$100 per meetup.
While he acknowledged that his girlfriend has occasionally paid for some activities, he felt the overall arrangement was becoming increasingly unbalanced.
“The difference in the terms of value is pretty significant, considering the frequency of our meet-ups,” he wrote.
“I don’t super mind financially, the fact that she wants to go to restaurants + cafes all the time, has me feeling a little “used” and feeling a tad like she’s not thinking of my well-being at all.”
After speaking to his family and friends who are married or in long-term relationships about his concerns, the man said they all told him the setup sounded “very abnormal” and “very one-sided.”
Eventually, he decided to open up to his girlfriend about feeling burnt out.
According to him, she responded by saying she would “try to change and split the bills more evenly and reduce the number of dates as well as duration.”
However, she also defended her expectations by claiming that frequent meetups and men paying for dates were considered “normal” based on what she saw “from friends, the internet, and social media.”
The girlfriend reportedly added that in her past “serious” relationships, the man paying for everything was seen as a sign that he was “serious and committed.”
“She does acknowledge that the relationship does feel one-sided, but said that she doesn’t know what she can give me,” he wrote.
The man ended his post by asking fellow Singaporeans: “I’ve tried my best to try to be fair to both of us in this post, but I really need to know if what we have is normal. And realistically, is any meaningful change actually possible?”
“Your values don’t match.”
In the comments, many users agreed with the man’s friends and family, saying that meeting up for 10 to 12 hours at a time is too intense for a dating arrangement. They also felt that him paying for almost everything in the relationship is not normal or sustainable.
One person shared, “I’m around you guys’ age, and I don’t think I can be on a date or meet up with my date/partner for 10-12 hours straight twice a week. It feels rather intense. I did date someone once who wanted to meet daily, and after a while it just felt draining and exhausting.”
Another remarked, “S$100 per date for most dates is way too much money spent.”
A third added, “I’m a girl and don’t really understand the desire to have the man pay for every meal. So that’s not normal. In my circle, we tend to split the bills. If the guy wants to pay for certain special occasions, I let them, and also I appreciate the effort, but it’s not something I feel entitled to.”
Others, however, pointed out that there is no single definition of what is “normal” in a relationship.
They said only the man himself can determine that because every relationship is shaped by different personalities, expectations, and values.
What works for one couple may not work for another, and comparisons can sometimes be misleading.
Some users advised him that if their expectations are fundamentally different, it may be healthier for both parties to end the relationship rather than trying to force compatibility.
One wrote, “Your values don’t match. She wants a provider, so don’t expect that to change. It will only get worse after marriage. Having no close friends or family is also a red flag, as she’ll be too dependent on you. My advice as [an] internet stranger: leave asap”
Another echoed this view, writing, “It’s not abnormal, there are many couples who spend every day together, and the guy pays for all the meals without feeling emotionally, physically, or financially drained.”
“Rather than it being abnormal, it seems that you and your girlfriend are simply incompatible in terms of relationship expectations. It’s not healthy for you to feel constantly drained, and that will eventually turn into resentment. You may want to seriously consider whether to continue this relationship.”
In other news, a 32-year-old healthcare worker earning up to S$8.5k a month says the brutal hours and constant stress of her job eventually destroyed her health, leaving her with “stage 3 cancer, chest pains, gastritis, burnout, depression, and anxiety.”
In a Reddit post on Monday (May 4), the woman shared that she spent seven years in the healthcare sector, often surviving on just three hours of sleep while juggling full-day shifts and 24/7 on-call duties for an entire week.
Read more: Healthcare worker earning S$8.5k says years of stress and long hours left her with cancer, chest pains, gastritis, and mental health struggles
