SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman has admitted she is no longer as confident about her future marriage after a home she and her fiancé had been counting on suddenly vanished from their plans.
The woman, who shared her dilemma anonymously on the SGWhispers Facebook page, said she and her foreign fiancé had always intended to leave Singapore one day and build a life in his home country.
“Since we started dating, we knew we wanted to leave SG and try life in his hometown, where his parents actually have a small house for us to potentially restore and be our forever home.”
Unfortunately, things didn’t go according to plan.
The house is gone, and so is the certainty
According to the woman, her fiancé’s parents recently decided to sell the property.
The decision wasn’t made lightly. She explained that they were facing financial difficulties and needed the money to cover medical expenses.
On top of that, neither she nor her fiancé currently works anywhere near the town.
“We don’t work near their town,” she wrote. “We are in a mid-sized city, but were going to move back once we get married; he just proposed.”
“I am not sure what to do. I feel like a gold digger in a way because I was only okay dating and falling in love with him for some level of security due to the house (of course,x that’s not the only reason, but housing is a big worry for me from the start for obvious reasons).”
“Now it’s like a massive shift in life plans, and I am not so confident of our success or happiness in the immediate future.”
Moving back to Singapore isn’t possible
While some might assume the obvious solution is simply returning to Singapore, the woman explained that things are a lot more complicated than that.
Because her fiancé is not a permanent resident, the couple cannot apply for a Build-To-Order (BTO) flat together.
“This puts us in a pickle because resale prices are too expensive for us unless we go to some ulu estate,” she wrote. “All my friends are S’greans couples, so they don’t understand what it’s like to not have affordable BTO as an option.”
‘It doesn’t change how I feel about him’
Despite all the uncertainty, the woman stressed that her feelings haven’t changed at all.
“This situation doesn’t change my feelings for him as a person, but I am just very worried about our future,” she said,
“Now I don’t know whether to come back to SG or stay in his country. Being in Singapore comes with its own set of problems, and with the PR pipeline being impossible now due to competition, I get very nervous about telling him not to worry and SG has our back (because it doesn’t…).”
She added, “I feel like at the end of the day, we will end up buying a place in his country but not his hometown. So this might be a silver lining as we have more freedom now. But wow, housing prices globally are sad. We will have to delay having children now, and a part of me feels sad about it, but I would rather be financially responsible.”
“Just be honest and tell him.”
In the comments, one netizen suggested she might want to “pause” the relationship for a while and focus on herself first.
“Work on yourself. When you find your own independence and build your own success, you’ll be able to share your life with a like-minded partner, not look to them for what you feel is missing,” they said.
“If you keep searching for what you lack in others, whether it’s housing, financial stability, or emotional security, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.”
Another commenter advised her to be upfront with her fiancé about the issue. “Just be honest and tell him and see what he has to say. If you keep secrets, it’s better for you to be single. Better to be hurt now than suffer later,” they wrote.
A third user said, “If you were my fiancée, I’d want you to break up with me so that we both can find more compatible people. I get that you want to be financially stable and responsible, but even you yourself seem unsure and wonder if you’re a gold digger.”
Others, meanwhile, encouraged her to take a step back and carefully reflect on the situation before making any decisions.
One wrote, “You need to reevaluate why you want to be together with him. Is it to gain a leg up in housing and finances back in his home country? Do you really love him for who he is?”
In other news, a Singaporean tech worker has started dreading work after being “accidentally” shoved into a managerial role he never wanted.
Posting on the r/singaporejobs forum on Monday (May 11), the employee said he never had dreams of climbing the corporate ladder or becoming some big-shot boss.
Read more: ‘I just wanted to do my job and go home’: Tech worker struggles after being ‘accidentally’ promoted to manager
