MALAYSIA: A post on Reddit’s r/MalaysianPF has struck a chord online, after a 26-year-old scholarship student shared the quiet but heavy burden of returning to full-time studies while no longer being able to financially support their retired parents and seven younger siblings.
The poster, who is pursuing a Bachelor of Accountancy after unexpectedly receiving a scholarship, had previously worked overseas at their uncle’s business. They also stated that they used that time to fully pay off their PTPTN loan and send money home every month. Now debt-free but back in school, the financial contributions have stopped, and the guilt that’s come with that shift is proving difficult to shake.
“The stressful part is my parents are retired,” the poster wrote. “When I was working, I used to send money home every month to help out. Now that I’m a full-time student again, I can’t really contribute financially anymore, and the guilt is getting to me.”
A family of ten, with a lot resting on one person
The family dynamic adds weight to the situation. As the eldest of eight siblings, the poster’s household includes a second brother who is working, a third brother about to study at the same university on a separate scholarship, a fourth sibling also in tertiary education, a fifth sister in Form 6, and the remaining siblings still in secondary and primary school. Both parents are retired.
To supplement their scholarship, which covers tuition fees but not living expenses, the poster is exploring small side income opportunities, including selling food at a seasonal market with a friend, though they acknowledge these won’t be consistent sources of income.
Reddit responds with a mix of empathy and hard truths
The post drew a range of responses, from warm encouragement to more pointed observations about family financial dynamics in Malaysia.
Some commenters didn’t hold back on the structural issue at play. “Having family or siblings or parents that don’t work or are retired is the number one cause of stress, theft, resignation, and firings for me,” one user wrote bluntly. “There’s this toxic mentality of children helping out the ‘family’ while parents who actually can work just retire and wait for handouts. Help if you can, but at the end of the day, it was not YOU who decided to have more children than they can support.”
Others took a gentler approach, focusing on the poster’s achievements rather than the family dynamics. “Give yourself some grace,” one Redditor wrote. “You stepped up and contributed when you were working overseas, and right now, it is simply your turn to focus on your studies. You are setting an amazing example for your seven younger siblings just by pursuing this. You’ve got this.”
Another commenter drew a firm line on where responsibility should lie. “Draw a firm line. Your siblings are your parents’ responsibility, not yours. You will burn up your own future if you give too much.”
On the question of returning to studies at 26, one commenter was equally direct in dismantling any lingering self-doubt. “Honestly, don’t feel sorry for going back to studying at a later age. I mean, who gets to decide when’s a good time to upgrade yourself, especially when you’re on a freaking scholarship?”
A story that resonates far beyond Malaysia
While the post comes from a Malaysian context, the tension it describes, between personal ambition and filial obligation, between investing in one’s own future and carrying the weight of a family’s present, is one that will resonate with many readers across Southeast Asia, Singapore included.
For eldest children in large families, particularly those from lower-income households, the expectation to contribute financially often begins early and rarely fully lets up, even during periods when contributing is genuinely not possible. The guilt the poster describes isn’t unique to their situation; it’s a quiet, persistent, and unfortunate feature of growing up as the firstborn in a family that needs more than it has.
The Reddit responses shows a useful frame: stepping back temporarily to invest in oneself isn’t abandonment. Instead, it’s playing the longer game. A completed degree, a stable career, and a debt-free foundation are ultimately worth more to a family of ten than a few hundred ringgit a month sent home during student years.
Read more: ‘Job-dropping’: Why more workers are choosing to step down, not up
