SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman has sought advice online after finding herself increasingly uncomfortable with how she and her fiancé split their expenses, particularly as he now earns around three times as much as she does.
The couple, who have been together for six years, initially adopted a 50/50 approach when they were both students and had limited finances. At the time, the woman said her fiancé was struggling financially, so splitting expenses equally seemed like the fairest arrangement.
That included meals, holidays, and even weddings she attended as his plus one. Rather than expecting him to pay for her, she would cover her own share.
However, their financial circumstances changed after they started working.
The couple eventually stopped strictly splitting every expense and began taking turns paying instead.
While this arrangement worked for their everyday spending, the woman now feels it may not be suitable as they prepare for several much larger expenses, including their pre-wedding shoot, wedding, honeymoon, and renovation.
The problem, she said, is that she does not know how to raise the subject without making it seem as though she is keeping score.
“I find it very difficult to suggest splitting by income percentage, and this situation is also awkward because I’m usually the one planning everything, at least for the pre-wedding shoot, which means I pay first,” she wrote in a post on r/asksg.
“It feels like I’m being calculative if I have to ask him to pay me back a larger sum of money. I’ll feel bad whenever he pays more (he says he’s ok, but it’s the mental pressure in my head that overthinks and wonders what if he’s not because he watches Andrew Tate and occasionally comments on gold diggers), but I’m trying to overcome this feeling.”
Wedding ang pows add another complication
The couple are also trying to work out how they should handle the wedding ang baos they receive after the ceremony.
“His friends and family are much more well-to-do, and he’s inviting 70% of our guests. We haven’t got a joint account because we thought it would be better for the money to earn higher interest rates in our own bank accounts.”
For the woman, the situation highlights how difficult it can be to discuss money when partners earn different amounts.
She said she sometimes wished she earned more so she could simply pay for a larger share without having to think too much about it.
“It’s difficult to bring up finances as the person earning less, and we are both not very comfortable discussing finances.”
Seemingly at a loss, she turned to fellow Singaporeans for advice on how to broach the subject before money creates further tension in their relationship.
‘Do you really want to marry someone like that?’
In the comments, one Redditor bluntly told the woman that if she and her fiancé were not comfortable talking about finances, they “shouldn’t be getting married.”
Another encouraged her to have an open conversation about money before tying the knot, saying, “Better to talk about it before marriage. And why feel so bad if he is earning more? If you are earning more, would you pick up more tab? If so, please be kinder to yourself.”
However, some commenters were more troubled by another detail in the woman’s post: her boyfriend’s interest in Andrew Tate and his comments about “gold-diggers.”
“He watches Andrew Tate and comments on gold-diggers? That is a red flag. It is your choice, but do you really want to marry someone like that?” one user asked.
“Girl, you have bigger problems if he is watching Andrew Tate,” another wrote.
Meanwhile, a few others recommended premarital counselling.
“Go for premarriage counselling,” one Redditor advised. “There will be a slew of hard topics to talk through, including finance. Have you talked about chores? Who takes care of kids, if any? Does he want kids? What if his parents or siblings have conflicts with you? How should expenses be split now and in the future when one loses a job or falls chronically sick, etc?”
In other news, a young woman who inherited ~S$1.05 million from her late mother has taken to Reddit to ask if she is wrong for refusing her “abusive” father’s demands to contribute more than her siblings.
Posting on the r/askSingapore forum, the woman explained that when her mother passed away, she and her three older siblings each inherited roughly S$150,000 from her savings, while she alone received her mother’s CPF funds of around ~S$900,000, bringing her total inheritance to more than ~S$1.05 million.
Read more: Daughter who inherited S$1.05 million from late mother says father pressures her to pay more than siblings, asks if she’s wrong to refuse
