SINGAPORE: A man has sparked quite the online debate after sharing that his girlfriend turned down his marriage proposal when he presented what he thought was a sensible, budget-friendly wedding plan: “a simple ROM (Registration of Marriages), no wedding gown, no banquet, and no pricey ring.”
On Monday (Apr 20), he wrote on a local forum that he had laid everything out clearly from the start. His idea was to keep things minimal with just the ROM, followed by a small gesture of hosting her immediate family at a single buffet table at the Shangri-La hotel. He also made it clear that there would be no ang pow expectations from her side of the family.
“I don’t have relatives or friends on my side,” he added, noting that he already owns a four-room HDB flat on his own.
His girlfriend, however, was not impressed with the ‘low-key’ vision. According to him, she wanted proper gold wedding rings that could cost over a thousand, plus a full banquet of at least 20 tables. She also reportedly suggested that the wedding costs could be offset through ang pow contributions, which she seemed to view as part of the financial plan.
After a few rounds of back-and-forth that went nowhere fast, the relationship now appears to be hanging by a thread.
Left wondering where it all went wrong, he turned to the internet for verdicts. “We have been dating for 2 years. Am I asking for too much or is she too demanding?” he asked, even requesting that respondents state their gender. “I’d really like ladies’ train of thoughts on this.”
He also shared a bit more context about his situation, explaining that he works in tech, where the job market currently feels a bit shaky. With plans to start his post-degree studies soon, he said he is trying to minimise his spending.
“I want to conserve as many resources as possible to tide myself through the next few years. Especially when I have no relatives to rely on.”
“She is not being demanding.”
Opinions were split in the comments section. Some criticised the man for attaching “terms and conditions” to his proposal, while others supported his stance and felt his girlfriend was being overly demanding.
One commenter said that no self-respecting woman would accept a proposal framed that way. “These are topics that should be discussed with her before proposal, and you should have room to compromise or incorporate her conditions. Fundamentally, this is about you not showing her any respect by making these decisions yourself without including her.”
Another chimed in, “She is not being demanding. Even though you may be happy to have a simple and unconventional wedding, try to understand the situation from her point of view.”
They added, “Many people grow up dreaming of having a special ceremony to celebrate their marriage, inviting all their loved ones and being able to wear a special wedding gown. For her, you would be depriving her of that dream simply because it doesn’t matter to you. If you truly love her, try to reach a compromise. Your proposal sounds very individualistic and inflexible.”
A third argued, “I think 20 tables is very demanding. Very hard to earn back one. Also, if you really want to have a table, you should keep it within very close friends and close friend members, not some random uncle or aunties that you only meet once during CNY or once in your lifetime. Honestly, no point spending so much on banquet dinner… It’s just one dinner. can better allocate the funds to somewhere else, i.e., a honeymoon or something.”
A fourth commenter added that the marriage “isn’t going to work” given how incompatible they seemed. “Don’t bother getting married. You can save the money. Focus on what you want.”
In other news, concerns over “quiet firing,” or silent termination, are gaining traction among workers here, after one employee highlighted how ongoing restructuring in her company appears to be pushing staff to leave without formal layoffs.
In a post on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she shared that her organisation has been undergoing restructuring since the end of 2024.
Read more: Employee asks, ‘Is quiet firing/silent termination becoming common in Singapore?’
