SINGAPORE: Are long working hours and rigid schedules leaving parents with little time to raise their own children?
In a recent online post, one working mum shared how her daily routine leaves her feeling like she barely gets to be there for her toddler, a situation many parents here may find all too familiar.
She described her typical day, saying, “We drop our toddler at childcare at 8 a.m. every day, and on the days I go to the office, I only get home at 7 p.m. My parents, God bless them, fetch him from childcare and care for him after that. By the time I come home, we have about 1.5 hours together before he sleeps.”
According to her, it has been quite tough emotionally. She spends around 11 hours a day away from a child she deeply wanted, and even when she is working from home, she is busy with calls and deadlines. While weekends give her more time with her child, she feels that two days out of seven are simply not enough.
Her worries go beyond just the day-to-day. She said she is concerned about whether she will still be able to build a strong bond with her child over time, especially when he grows older and enters primary school.
“I wonder how this is going to work, especially when he grows older and enters preschool. How does one successfully parent a child when you are not around most of the time? Would that child even confide in you? How are you supposed to nurture and support them when most of their care is outsourced?” she wrote.
She added that she knows this arrangement is actually very common in Singapore, with many families relying on grandparents, helpers, or student care. Still, she could not help but question it.
“What’s the point of having a child if you don’t even spend time with them in their growing years?” she wonders.
At the same time, she feels like there is no real way out. “There’s just zero flexibility in working hours. I can’t even leave early to fetch him if I wanted to. I once listened to a podcast where a politician said she made it a point to stop all meetings at 5 p.m., so she could pick up her kid. I scoffed at that.”
“Like hello, not everyone is a high flyer who can set their own timings. Anyway, I digress. Quitting is not an easy decision due to financial reasons. The economy is so bad,” she shared.
Ending her post on a more vulnerable note, she asked if anyone had advice, writing, “Does anyone have words of wisdom?”
“You cannot have your cake and eat it too, so something has to give.”
Under the Reddit post, many users said they could relate to what the mother was going through and shared similar experiences from their own lives.
One commented, “I’m in the same boat. Except I get home at 8 every day, by which time my toddler is very tired. We have about 1 waking hour daily together, which is spent on getting ready for school or bed. I feel guilty and bittersweet when I see how much he grows day to day, and I wasn’t there to see the growing process.”
Another wrote, “The working culture is indeed not forgiving. I switched to part-time to care for my newborn and 3 y/o. When the finances got tight, I tried to look for a full-time job when my kids were 3 and 5; it was hard. They’d ask about my career gap, if I have kids, who would be caring for my kids besides me, if I would consider hiring a helper, etc.”
Several others suggested she consider switching to a less demanding role, even if it comes with a pay cut.
One said, “You cannot have your cake and eat it too, so something has to give. If spending time with your child is most important, then you have to sacrifice your career.”
Another shared, “I felt the same when my firstborn arrived. So I quit my job when I was due for promotion and my career was going smoothly. I figured I can always earn money in the future, one way or another, but I will never get my children’s childhood back, and 99% of the time, I didn’t regret my decision. Went from 2 incomes to 1. Best decision of my life.”
In other news, a female employee shared on Reddit that she was unexpectedly placed on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) without any concrete reason.
The 27-year-old said she had been in her role for four years, during which no major issues or performance concerns were raised.
Read more: SG employee placed on PIP after 4 years: ‘Is this just a step before getting fired?’
