SINGAPORE: A woman took to Reddit to vent that she feels genuinely “triggered” whenever her mother-in-law insists on dropping by their home.
On Monday (Apr 13), she posted on the r/asksg forum, sharing that throughout the eight years of her marriage, her mother-in-law has been one of her biggest sources of stress, largely because she insists on being involved in almost everything.
She said that even during her wedding, she felt obliged to factor in her mother-in-law’s views to such an extent that the occasion barely felt like her own.
“Before we got married, my husband was very much a mummy’s boy, and she was constantly interfering.”
“When I got pregnant, she insisted on visiting every week. I know she was excited, but it honestly made me feel overwhelmed and even depressed. She also tends to make sarcastic remarks, which makes it harder for me to be around her.”
The woman added that what irritates her further is the clear difference in expectations, as her mother-in-law does not seem to behave the same way with her other son, yet continues to push to visit them and see their children.
“Sometimes I just feel like — they are my children, and I want my own space. I also feel like the way she raised my husband has affected him a lot. I’ve spent years trying to support him to grow, but some traits just don’t change.”
“I know I can’t control her or change him completely, so I’m trying to focus on myself. But I still feel very triggered every time she insists on coming over.”
At her wits’ end, she asked others, “How do you cope with this without constantly feeling frustrated? Any ways to make her disappear from my sight for a long time?”
“Your MIL acts this way because her son doesn’t mind it at all.”
In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor suggested that she try to avoid her mother-in-law by scheduling some extra classes for her children.
“Does she like to come at a specific time? Schedule some extra classes for the kids (like, dunno, some kids’ gym or Montessori playgroup) and just ice her out of the timing. Can send her cute photos, but always need to be out doing things when she wants to come.”
The woman responded, “We are trying to avoid the schedule, so we keep postponing. She used to come weekly, then twice a month. Then once a month. Because I really cannot stand seeing her so often. She is giving me stress, and I will give my husband stress in return. So she will send a very long complaint message to my husband, saying that why is it so difficult to see her grandchildren, etc.”
Another user advised her to be firm with her boundaries but still remain respectful.
“Be FIRM with your decisions and justify the preferences. Don’t be too hard and still play the ‘agree to disagree’ game with your MIL, as in hear her out but adapt and make it your own style a bit more.”
On the other hand, some commenters felt the problem also lies with her husband.
One wrote, “Your MIL acts this way because her son doesn’t mind it at all. Is it clear to your husband that you don’t appreciate her kaypoh-ying around your home? Otherwise, you’re stuck with this mother-son tandem for life.
Another added, “I’m having problems with MIL too. Sorry, no advice, but the only way I see change happening is if your husband speaks up.”
A few others, however, saw things a bit differently. They said that her mother-in-law might have been interfering because she felt the family “needed help” or because she thought they might be too inexperienced as “first-time parents.”
One suggested, “Why not just release some control over to your MIL but maintain discipline on your end? Your MIL might be feeling empty and want the grandchildren to fill in the gaps.”
In other news, an intern has sought advice on social media after their boss at a medical clinic reportedly instructed them to carry out “physical labour” tasks.
In their post, the intern explained that the clinic recently moved premises about a week ago, and since the relocation, they have been assigned a range of manual duties. These include packing items, lifting and moving boxes, and helping to set up the new workspace.
Read more: ‘Is this allowed?’: Unpaid intern says role meant for learning turned into manual labour
