SINGAPORE: A man is questioning his girlfriend’s true intentions after discovering that she expects him to pay for their future home and fully support their lifestyle while keeping her own salary.
The 30-year-old sought advice on the r/asksg forum on Saturday (April 18). In his post, he shared that he has been dating his 26-year-old girlfriend from Malaysia for about a year. He described her as attractive by both “Singaporean and Malaysian standards,” and said that at the start of the relationship, she came across as “thoughtful and sweet.”
However, as the relationship progressed, he began noticing what he felt was a growing financial imbalance.
He explained that he sees himself as a fairly traditional partner, so “paying for meals and not going Dutch” has always felt normal to him. He also had no issue buying her branded items on special occasions, such as her birthday. But recently, he feels her expectations have gone up.
He shared that she now expects more lavish spending even on ordinary occasions. For example, on International Women’s Day, she expected him to treat her to an expensive dinner and buy her a gift.
They also had a talk about their future, and he was fairly disheartened when he discovered she expects him to shoulder all the burden alone.
“It seems like she wants me to pay for the whole house and the lifestyle while she keeps the money,” he said. “For context, we are planning to settle down early because she wants to get her PR in SG. I own a car, so all the petrol and car loan are on me. But for bigger expenses like paying for a house, etc., she thinks I should be doing it.”
On top of that, he said she hopes they can live in a larger flat, such as a jumbo or maisonette, so her siblings from Malaysia can stay with them while working in Singapore.
“I don’t know if she’s using me for her benefits or if I should feel like, since I’m marrying her, I must expect all these. Is it just me, or are Malaysians getting more and more materialistic, like Singaporean girls?” he asked.
He also recalled, “I was at their Malaysian relative’s place, and they were complaining about Singaporeans coming into JB and spoiling the economy and making everything super expensive. But I don’t see them complaining when they come over to SG to earn SG money, then go back to Malaysia to spend?”
“The demand for a large house is a huge red flag.”
Within a day, the post had already picked up over 364 upvotes and 577 comments. Commenters largely agreed that he should get out of the relationship, saying it was unlikely to go anywhere good.
One individual shared, “Run, bruh. It’s a personal issue, not related to nationality. My wife is Malaysian (from Penang) as well and has none of those expectations when it comes to big-ticket items. For dates and going out, we take turns to reciprocate. She has siblings working in SG as well (renting), and she does not expect us to get a bigger house just to let them stay.”
Another quipped, “Run! If you need help with running, message me, and I can introduce you to running groups. But bro, seriously, run.”
A third wrote, “I was thinking it got pretty weird when it got to expensive stuff for International Women’s Day. I don’t know anyone who does that, and it kind of goes against the spirit of the day. Then I got to the part about you paying for housing on your own. Just run, bro.”
A fourth added, “The demand for a large house is a huge red flag with blinking red lights and a loud wailing siren.”
In other news, the growing disparity between Gen X’s and Gen Z’s financial realities has come to light after a woman in her mid-20s shared online that she is struggling to get by on a salary that her senior colleague seems to find more than enough.
The woman, who posted anonymously on NUSWhispers on Monday (Mar 6), said she and a colleague in her mid-40s both recently received pay increments, bringing their monthly income to around S$6,000.
Read more: Gen Z earning S$6k baffled as mid-40s colleague lives comfortably on same salary: ‘The biggest disadvantage was not being born 15 years earlier’
