SINGAPORE: A man recently broke down on social media, saying he is “one step away” from giving up after spending the past year dealing with his mother’s flat purchase disaster.
In a subreddit called “r/askSingapore,” he shared that his mother had insisted on buying a flat about a year ago and was determined to ballot for a Sale of Balance Flats (SBF) unit in a specific area.
However, after looking through the available options, he felt that most of the flats there were poor choices and overpriced.
According to him, he had already warned his mother against going ahead because she had a long history of making bad financial decisions that eventually became his responsibility to fix.
He said he had carefully planned alternative housing options for her, taking into account both her age and financial situation. Since she was not in urgent need of a new home, he advised her to wait for a future SBF or Build-To-Order exercise with better projects.
Still, she refused to listen.
“She insisted her way and said it was her money. I had no say but insisted I help her proceed,” he wrote.
Things became more complicated after she successfully obtained a queue number, although not one good enough to secure the more desirable units.
The man said he again urged her to back out because only the less attractive units remained, but she pressed ahead and picked a flat that he believed was neither practical nor affordable.
To make matters worse, her application reportedly ran into several complications. He ended up handling multiple appeals on her behalf and eventually managed to get approval from HDB.
After that came renovation planning, which also landed on his shoulders.
According to him, his mother has always expected him to “make magic happen” whenever problems arise. He said he spent time meeting and quality checking around 30 interior designers while trying to work within a tight budget before finally deciding on one and paying a deposit.
However, after all that effort, his mother apparently changed her mind.
“Now, she finally came to her senses and realised she made a bad purchase, and my advice was right all along,” he said.
He added that she has now tasked him with helping her return the flat, even though they have already collected the keys.
While he believes there may not be financial penalties because the flat falls under a “senior short lease” scheme, he admitted that the emotional toll has become overwhelming.
“[After] 1 year of helping her in and out, I am damn worn out.”
The man also revealed that this was not the first major crisis he had managed for her. He claimed he had previously stopped her from falling victim to a scam and said he has spent much of his life dealing with the consequences of her actions.
On top of that, he opened up about a deeply troubled relationship with his mother, alleging that she had “physically and mentally abused” him when he was younger and had even once tried to sue him using what he called “fake charges.”
Reflecting on his life, he said nearly all of his problems could somehow be traced back to her.
“I dare say not a day of my troubles don’t come from her. I owe her my last life, is it? I dare say I already do so much, and she will forever still think I am never doing enough and other people’s children are so good.”
At the same time, he shared that he is also struggling with personal issues of his own but feels there is nobody he can turn to for support.
“I do not expect help from her or anyone, to be honest, but the feeling of everything needing me but having no one to help me is getting to a tipping point. I am honestly 1 step away from just ending this life,” he confessed.
“I don’t want to play this rigged game anymore. Whenever there is something that needs to be done, I am expected. Whenever it is time to harvest, it is never my turn. (This applies to work and to life in general. I am always demanded a lot, but I am never once fairly treated). I am tired.”
“It’s time to say no”
In the discussion thread, several users frankly told the man that he was partly responsible for the situation as well because he kept saying yes to all of his mother’s requests.
They felt this had “enabled” her behaviour and led her to believe that someone would always step in to rescue her whenever she got herself into trouble.
That said, many commenters also emphasised that if he genuinely wanted things to change, he would need to start setting clear boundaries.
“Stop helping her,” one user told him. “Why would she want to change her ways if she knows you will always be there to clean up for her? Just walk away, tell her it’s her problem now.”
They added, “You warned her, she didn’t listen, you have your own [stuff] to deal with, and since she can open her mouth and talk to you, she can open her mouth and talk to HDB herself. If you feel bad for her, then give her monthly allowance. Enough for her to survive, but now enough for her to splurge on scams.”
Another commented, “Hate to be that person, but yes, perhaps it’s time to say no. It can come across as apathetic and cold, but what you’re going through is a form of abuse.”
Others took it a step further and suggested that he cut contact with his mother entirely.
One said, “Hey, you need to walk out on her already after settling her current house issue. Make this your last task, and you’re done with her. Cut off contact, or if you don’t want to settle this, then you can walk away now. Leave and live.”
Another added, “Quickly find a job with an overseas posting.”
In other news, a man in his 20s shared that his strict parents, who take 15% of his salary every month, expect him to buy a home by the time he turns 35.
In a post on the r/asksg subreddit on Sunday (Apr 26), he shared his fears, saying he does not have enough money to fulfil his parents’ wishes.
Read more: Man says parents take 15% of his pay, leaving him unable to save for a home
