SINGAPORE: A husband’s social media post has drawn widespread sympathy from netizens after he opened up about the emotional pain he has been quietly enduring in a deeply distressing marriage.
In a post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, the man confessed that he had lost his support system as his wife had slowly “cut him off from his parents and siblings.”
He has also been made to believe he is “a bad son from a bad family,” repeatedly told in arguments that his “upbringing was wrong,” that his mother is “evil,” and that he is “fundamentally defective as a person.”
In trying to keep the peace, he shared that he would often take responsibility during conflicts, hoping that doing so would de-escalate tensions. However, rather than resolving issues, he said the arguments would intensify and drag on.
“I was yelled at for days, threatened with divorce, and sometimes physically hurt—pinched, slapped, and objects thrown at me in anger. Each time, I was told I deserved it.”
He added that even being in public feels unsafe. According to the husband, if he looks in the wrong direction or stays quiet for too long, his wife would accuse him of “being immoral or disloyal.”
Beyond the constant criticism, he said he has also been quietly carrying the full burden of childcare.
“We now have a child. I love my baby, but I am drowning. Almost all caregiving responsibilities fall on me — nights without sleep, days without rest, work performance suffering.”
“When I ask for help, I’m told this is how it should be, that I must carry everything alone. My career has stalled. My mental health is broken. I feel like I’ve disappeared as a person.”
After years of enduring these struggles, the man said he now “regrets getting married.”
“I’m not writing this to say all marriages are bad. I’m writing this for anyone who feels pressured into marriage without truly knowing what life can become,” he said.
At the end of his post, he offered a warning to anyone considering marriage: “Please think carefully. Please protect your boundaries. Please don’t lose yourself. Staying single and peaceful is better than being married and slowly erased.”
“No one should ever stay in a relationship that makes you lose yourself.”
In the comments, many readers advised the husband to consider ending his marriage.
One told him, “That’s not a difficult marriage; that’s an abusive marriage. Abuse is not always physical—it can be mental, emotional, and financial too. Get out while you can. I have been in such a marriage. If you want your future to improve, get out now.”
Another echoed this sentiment, saying, “Brother, leave when you are not valued. Doesn’t matter what. Take that child with you. Gather proof of everything you are going through. Once you do that, throw the divorce papers in her face and walk away. It’s better for you and your child. No one should ever stay in a relationship that makes you lose yourself.”
A third shared his experience, writing, “Brother, this is abuse from your spouse. It took me courage after 27 years of emotional abuse with prolonged cold wars, verbal abuse, and polarisation from my ex to finally take the path of divorce. Now I gain back my peace and sanity and live a life anew.”
Despite the strong calls for separation, not everyone agreed that divorce should be the immediate solution. One commenter said, “Divorcing is just the easy way out. Work things out. Communicate.”
They also encouraged him to reflect on his own actions. “Sometimes it is good to look at yourself first before condemning your wife. Did we, as a husband, do anything wrong in the first place? Did we provide the right support when the wife needed it? Are we still feeling single in a marriage? Are we even ready for marriage before jumping in and ending up making such complaints?”
In other news, an employer has turned to social media for advice after her domestic helper refused to be sent home and instead asked to be transferred to another household.
In an anonymous post on the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group on Friday (March 20), the employer shared that she had been considering sending her helper back to her home country due to ongoing issues with phone use.
Read more: Employer struggles as maid glued to phone refuses to go home and asks for transfer
