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Photo: Unsplash/ krzhck (for illustration purposes only)
Expat sitting on a ledge near a body of water
SINGAPORE: Despite making every effort to integrate, acclimatise to her surroundings, and adapt to the lifestyle and culture of the city-state, an expatriate has shared on social media that she feels “miserable” in Singapore.
In a post published on the r/expats subreddit on Monday (Oct 12), the expatriate, who has resided in several countries for her university studies and work and has lived in Singapore for almost three years, explained that she is remaining solely because of her Singaporean boyfriend, whom she loves deeply and does not want to break up with.
“I genuinely don’t feel like I fit here. I don’t enjoy the lifestyle, the surroundings, or the culture. I’ve tried for three years to make it work, but the longer I stay, the more I feel like I’m just not meant to live here.”
I’ve been going to therapy and have been feeling better in general, but every time I return to Singapore after a trip or visiting home, I feel more miserable than ever.”
The expat admitted that Singapore had never really appealed to her in the first place. Still, she hoped her feelings would change as she settled down and built a life here. She thought that having a better-paying job, getting along with her colleagues, making friends, and enjoying greater stability would eventually help her feel more at home in the city-state.
However, even after achieving what she had initially wanted, her unhappiness persisted.
“Singapore has taught me that a high salary and low taxes don’t necessarily make you happy. Financially, my life is objectively good, but emotionally, I feel stuck, and like I’m not moving forward at all.”
The biggest obstacle to leaving is her relationship. The woman said she and her boyfriend love each other deeply, and both envision a future together, making the prospect of walking away from the relationship particularly painful. “He is genuinely someone I want to build a life with, and I don’t want to lose him.”
The couple have discussed moving to a third country together, but she is uncertain whether relocating would offer a lasting solution. She fears they could eventually return to Singapore, where her boyfriend has established his roots.
“I know this is home for him. Meanwhile, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life somewhere that makes me feel this way,” she continued. “I’ve even thought about breaking up, but the thought of ending a genuinely good relationship because I can’t stand the country we live in feels heartbreaking. At the same time, staying here for the sake of our relationship feels like I’m sacrificing my own happiness.”
“At this point, my boyfriend is the main reason I’m still here, and that realisation is eating me alive. I feel terrible saying this because he hasn’t done anything wrong. If anything, he’s the best part of my life in Singapore.”
Unable to decide what to do next, the expat asked fellow Redditors whether they had faced a similar situation.
She also wanted to know whether others had found a way to compromise with their partners, moved abroad together, or eventually made the difficult decision to go their separate ways.
She added, “I’m not looking for someone to simply tell me to leave or break up. I genuinely want to hear from people who have navigated this kind of situation, because I feel like I’ve tried everything to make Singapore feel like home, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.”
‘Do NOT stay for a relationship’
Her post drew a wave of sympathetic but largely cautionary responses, with many commenters warning her against staying somewhere that makes her unhappy solely for a partner.
One Redditor shared a painful personal experience: “I stayed for a relationship. For 13 years. In the meantime, I lost everything. My friends back home, my job to AI. Then the relationship ended. It’s been almost a year, and I’m still here trying to figure out what to do. Where to go. Do NOT stay for a relationship. You need to talk to him about getting out and finding a new place.”
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Another commenter wrote, “Some places are supposed to feel good (developed countries a lot of strangers online dream living in). But in reality, not every place fits everyone. I tried in the Netherlands, same as you did in SG. Gave it a proper try (4 years), and it just didn’t work for me (well, for both my partner and I). I would suggest you think of the possible ways out. Your BF has a strong passport. If he is willing to follow you, he will have an easier time than others.”
Others encouraged the couple to try moving to a third country.
“Give it a try,” one user urged. “If you’ve already considered a breakup—no matter how serious – this is still the better option. At least if it doesn’t work out, you know that you tried and won’t be stuck in a depressed loop of ‘if only’ in perpetuity. And you don’t necessarily need to move far away if he’s attached to home. Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines, Japan, etc. are just around the corner.”/TISG
Read also: ‘She doesn’t want me to solve the problem’: Singapore dad asks how to help burnt-out SAHM wife
