SINGAPORE: A groom expressed that he felt upset after his own parents did not give him a red packet on his wedding day.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum on Monday (March 6), he said that growing up, his parents had always emphasised the importance of giving generously at weddings. They would remind him to “give above market rate and to include his name on the red packet,” and he recalled that they themselves would typically give amounts such as S$888 or S$1,288.
However, when it came to his own wedding last week, he realised that his parents had not given him a red packet at all. He said this did not sit well with him, and felt it was a bit “unfair” to his partner.
“[There were] 40 pax on my side/30 pax on my partner’s side, but the total red packets amounted to around 30% from my side and 70% from my partner’s side, mainly because my partner’s parents gave a large amount.”
When he later asked his parents whether they might have forgotten, he said they became “defensive.” According to him, they explained that since there was “no tea ceremony,” there was no reason for them to give a red packet.
“It’s not just about the money, but I feel like there was no blessing from my parents. It is not auspicious for parents to give a red packet to their children. What do you think?” he wrote, asking others for their views. “Did your parents give you a red packet for your wedding?”
“Talk to your parents.”
More than 70 users chimed in the comments section, and most did not side with the groom. Many said his parents were justified in their stance, adding that if he had wanted to receive red packets from them, he should have included a tea ceremony as part of the wedding.
One commenter wrote, “If you want to receive blessings from your parents, you have to create the conditions for said blessings to occur.”
Another explained, “Parents give angpow and other assets during the tea ceremony, not the banquet. The ceremony is done to show respect in Chinese culture, serve them tea, and thank them for raising you before you move on to the next chapter. Not sure why you omitted the ceremony, but it’s like you expect blessings from elders but were okay doing away with the respect part of the procedure.”
A third pointed out, “If it’s not just about the money, would you have been okay if they only gave you a token S$8 or S$88 for the blessing? Your main grievance is how it feels ‘unfair’ to your partner because overall their side ‘gave more,’ so clearly it is about the money for you.”
Others urged him to have an honest conversation with his parents if the issue continued to weigh on him.
“You say it’s not about the money, but you mentioned money many times. What is the real issue here? Talk to your parents,” one user said.
In other news, a 24-year-old Singaporean has sparked discussion online after opening up about his strained relationship with his mother and the guilt he feels over favouring his father following his parents’ divorce.
The young man shared in a post on the r/asksg forum that he has often been criticised by his maternal grandmother for being closer to his father, a preference he says stems from his own lived experiences growing up.
Read more: ‘Am I wrong?’: SG man feels guilty for choosing dad after divorce as grandma pressures him to side with mum
