SINGAPORE: A newlywed man says he is growing increasingly uneasy after his mother began hinting that she expects to live in the new home he and his wife have just acquired.
Writing on Reddit’s r/asksingapore forum, he explained that both he and his wife have always been clear about wanting a place of their own. They agreed from the start that they did not want either set of parents staying over regularly, and certainly not moving in, as the home was designed specifically with just the two of them in mind. For them, having their own space was an important part of beginning their married life together.
However, not long after completing the paperwork, his mother began dropping “strong hints” that she expected to live with them once the home was ready. The man said this caught him off guard, as there had never been any prior discussion about such an arrangement.
“I shut down that conversation by letting her know that the place is not designed with the intention of any of our parents moving in, but she is being passive-aggressive since she last hinted.”
The situation has also taken a more uncomfortable turn at home. According to him, his mother has started staying awake every night until he returns, only going to sleep after confirming that he is back. He feels that this behaviour is a way of keeping tabs on his movements, possibly out of concern that he might move out without informing her.
He added, “For context: the issue of moving in was never mentioned prior to this, and the initial plan was for my mom to move in with my aunt when I moved out. My family is one that does not deal with matters directly and tends to sweep problems under the rug.”
Seeking advice, he asked the Reddit community, “What should I do, and how do I broach the subject again since she has not mentioned it since the last time I shut the conversation down?”
“Stand firm and hold your ground.”
In the comments, Singaporean Redditors advised the man to have a direct and honest conversation with his mother.
One told him, “Have the conversation; tell her a hard no. Don’t avoid the topic just because she’s bidding her time.”
Another echoed this suggestion, saying, “Stand firm and hold your ground. Just say that you and your partner agreed not to bring any parents in for fairness.”
A third added, “The answer is really simple. Have an open conversation, and overcome the difficult part of not discussing things ‘cause I think that lack of open and honest conversation is what is stressing you out now. Otherwise, you’re relegating yourself to continued unaddressed issues that give rise to such passive-aggressive behavior. Best of luck, bro.”
A fourth wrote, “It’s damn cold to just shut your mom out when she’s attempting to connect with you. But at the same time, you are entitled to your own house. Assuming you are on good terms with your mom, the best thing to do is to talk it out with her and explain the situation.”
In other news, a 24-year-old Singaporean has sparked discussion online after opening up about his strained relationship with his mother and the guilt he feels over favouring his father following his parents’ divorce.
The young man shared in a post on the r/asksg forum that he has often been criticised by his maternal grandmother for being closer to his father, a preference he says stems from his own lived experiences growing up.
Read more: ‘Am I wrong?’: SG man feels guilty for choosing dad after divorce as grandma pressures him to side with mum
