SINGAPORE: A 24-year-old Singaporean has sparked discussion online after opening up about his strained relationship with his mother and the guilt he feels over favouring his father following his parents’ divorce.
The young man shared in a post on the r/asksg forum that he has often been criticised by his maternal grandmother for being closer to his father, a preference he says stems from his own lived experiences growing up.
He recalled, “Honestly, I could barely remember anything my mom ever did for me when I was younger. Sure, she’d cook and give me school money, but that’s the bare minimum, right? Meanwhile, I have lots of good memories with my father from when I was young till now. After the divorce, my mom has barely done anything for my brother and me.”
“Once my brother, who’s still schooling, needed S$10 for his EZ-Link card, and my mom was really hesitant to give it to him, but my father would give him more than enough for his card since it’s a necessity.”
He also recounted a painful incident from his teenage years. After gaining admission into a secondary school he had worked hard to enter, a disagreement with his brother led to his mother telling him that “he did not deserve to be in the school,” a remark that left a lasting impact.
Moreover, despite both parents earning modest incomes, he said his father still made the effort to bring the family on trips, including holidays to Japan. In contrast, he claimed his mother would “book a trip for herself and splurge her money overseas rather than give her brother S$10 for his transport money.”
His grandmother, he added, is well aware of this dynamic but remains firm in her stance.
“She would always remind me, ‘Your mom gave birth to you, so you need to always choose her,’ and ‘Your father never gave you life, but she did; it’s only natural to choose her,’ and always ask why I don’t really talk to my mom.”
He went on to share that he does feel guilty about having a preference, but finds it difficult to build a meaningful relationship with her mother, whom he perceives as making little effort. When attempts are made, he said, they often feel insincere or done out of obligation.
“If my mom wanted a proper relationship with us, she would’ve been trying already, but I’ve never really seen her try, and if she does, it’s done half-heartedly, as if she’s trying for the sake of it. Of course, I feel bad for having a preference, but honestly, can you really blame me? Am I wrong for preferring my dad over my mom?” he asked.
“Don’t be too harsh on her.”
In the comments, several users offered differing perspectives, with some encouraging him to consider his mother’s point of view.
“I think once you are older, you will come to realise it’s a more complex thing. Whilst you have fond memories of your father, he didn’t have to look after you every day and take care of you (clothes, food, etc.). Looking after kids isn’t that easy,” one said.
“So I hope you can understand as well from your mom’s perspective, because she is also human and deserves to live a bit. Don’t be too harsh on her.”
Another commented, “I’m a little bit biased, but doing the bare minimum, like cooking, cleaning, and giving pocket money EVERY DAY, is way harder than giving you a 1x Japan trip or 1x S$10. To your dad, it’s just S$10 more. To your mom, it would be like, ‘I’ve already given you S$800 this month. Why do you need more?’”
Others, however, reassured him that his feelings were valid. One wrote that children naturally gravitate towards the parent who treats them well and advised him to trust his own instincts.
They added, “Adults who try to pull you over are just looking for support to make the other side seem like the loser.”
Another chimed in, “I prefer my dad too. Very similar situation. I asked my mum for 2 bucks in primary school, and she went, ‘Why do you need so much money?’ The same person who splurged and flew business class to the US and did not even buy anything for us. You reap what you sow, even if you gave birth to me.”
A third shared, “Nothing wrong with that. My husband prefers his dad over his mum. His dad provided for him and took care of him during his childhood. Recently, his mum even told me that she had never taken care of him during his childhood.”
In other news, a Singaporean marketing professional says she was left shocked and demoralised after overhearing colleagues in the office attributing her career success to her appearance rather than her skills.
The woman, who has recently led several high-profile marketing campaigns, described the incident in detail on Reddit: “I was in the toilet cubicle and a few of my female colleagues walked in. They didn’t know I was there. They started talking about me, saying that the only reason I’m getting these lead roles is that I’m young and attractive.”
Read more: ‘They ignore all my effort because of my looks’: Young professional frustrated as colleagues credit success to appearance
