Are friends important to teens’ lives? Absolutely.
So, why does the question need more consideration? While some might think the number of friends is most important, what may matter more is the quality of those friendships.
There is no question that friendships help shape adolescent well-being. As children move into adolescence, friendships often shift from being based on proximity and shared interests to becoming sources of crucial emotional support.
This evolution is especially salient as young people navigate the many social, academic and biological changes associated with being a teen.
Quality versus quantity
Unlike friendship quantity (for example, number of friendships), the definition of friendship quality is somewhat more nuanced.
Generally, the quality of friendships considers the broad range of positive and negative experiences and interactions that adolescents have with their friends. For example, experiences of support, companionship, intimate disclosure and security can occur in the same friendships where people also experience conflict or feel unseen or criticized.
Considering both friendship positivity and negativity allows us to better understand how different types of friendships relate to adolescent well-being.
High-quality friendships, for instance, are described as having high levels of positive qualities and low levels of negative ones. These friendships are considered optimal because they are most often associated with better social and emotional outcomes for adolescents.
(Getty Images/Unsplash)
Mere presence may not be enough
Other profiles of friendship are possible. For example, teens can have engaged or “affect-intense” friendships (high positivity and negativity), similar to the classic love-hate sibling relationship.
Though less common, teens may also have low-quality friendships (high negativity, low positivity).
Interestingly, some research shows that having more friends is linked to fewer internalizing problems, such as anxiety or depressive symptoms. At first, this seems to favour quantity. However, one possible explanation is that having more friends can increase teens’ chances of finding a high-quality friendship among them, which may be driving these results.
In fact, direct comparisons between friendship quantity and quality indicate that the high quality of friendships can buffer social and emotional challenges youth face and potentially have a longer-lasting impact. This shows that the substance of teens’ close friendships plays a greater role than merely the presence of friendships at large.
Voluntary, reciprocal relationships
Why might having a high-quality friendship matter more than having many average or low-quality friendships?
Friendships, as voluntary and reciprocal relationships, are often closer through shared interests and likes that also build feelings of trust and loyalty towards one another. As a result, multiple friendships are possible.
As adolescents develop closer bonds with their friends, they come to understand and predict how different friends can offer support, companionship and security to each other — things that are essential for us as social beings. Naturally, teens can and do build closer friendships with some people and not others.
These positive qualities may be especially salient in closer friendships, which can provide significant benefits to adolescents. Research shows that adolescents who feel more secure in their friendships report less anxiety and greater friendship satisfaction than youth who feel less secure.
This is not to suggest that the number of friends is not a relevant indicator at all. Clearly, we need friends to have high-quality friendships. However, friendship quantity does not necessarily allow us to know about other important details about the friendship — like whether the substance quality of the friendship mutually drives their association.
Thinking about the quality of friendships allows us to see the effort and work adolescents put in to form and maintain their friendships. It also lets us consider the different elements that promote safety, support and security for both teens in the relationship.
How parents can play a role
Parents and families can play a vital role in how their teenaged children form and maintain high-quality friendships.
One way is for parents to model healthy relationships with each other and with their children.
Modelling positive and constructive interactions between adults (for example, between parents and parents’ friends) provides a foundational understanding for teens on how to navigate the positive and negative aspects of friendships.
This includes modelling healthy communication (like active listening), encouraging self-disclosure to demonstrate trust (sharing personal thoughts and feelings with others), receiving and offering support, as well as navigating conflict.
(Nappy/Unsplash)
Avoiding conflict is not always possible or feasible. Even in the best and highest quality friendships, conflict can and does occur.
When it does, teens who have more knowledge about how to constructively handle conflict (discussions about the issue, being attentive to others’ goals, encouraging compromise), are less likely to report decreases in the quality of their friendship, or worse, to end them.
Support teen independence, structure
Another practical way parents can facilitate their teen’s healthy friendship is to support their independence at a pace that fits the teen’s developmental readiness.
This includes showing genuine interest in their teen’s worlds and encouraging them to take part in activities outside of the school that build on their interests. At the same time, other considerations are having some flexibility with a teen’s decision-making and trying to not overstep too much.
What comes with empowering teens to make autonomous decisions is finding a balance with authoritative parenting. While love and support are important for healthy parent-teen relationships, so is structure.
For parents, some structure can come from providing justifications and reasoning behind their decisions about boundaries or behavioural expectations they have for their kids.
Conversations can include explanations that help teens understand the potential consequences of certain choices they may be thinking about. Together, these types of behaviours and conversations set teens up well to have healthy friendships.
There is no doubt that having friends is good for teens, but having healthy and high-quality friendships can be even better.
