SINGAPORE: A 37-year-old man shared on Reddit that he feels conflicted after his girlfriend suggested reducing the S$5,000 allowance he gives his elderly parents while still expecting at least S$10,000 a month from him.
In his post on the r/asksg forum, he said he has never been married and has been dating his 32-year-old girlfriend, who is divorced with two children, for five years.
“She requires me to give her a monthly allowance of a minimum of S$10k from year two onwards. I say ‘minimum’ because she insists that if I am late on this, I need to give her more. This occurs sometimes, as I have variable income and fixed income streams.”
“Sometimes, my variable income is lower or streams in on later dates. I have explained this to her many times, but she does not budge on this. This S$10k also does not include hers or the kids’ monthly expenses/shopping. So S$10k is roughly 1/2 of what I bring in monthly on average.”
The man added that he has also been financially supporting his parents for years. “I give S$5k to my parents too, so I am left with S$5k, little to no savings, because expenses include groceries, utilities, Grab, and eating out every weekend.”
He also shared some details about his background, saying that before entering the relationship, he “had savings, a house, and a car,” and was in a relatively stable financial position.
After turning 35, however, he made a major decision to sell his apartment and draw down on his CPF savings to purchase a resale flat. He said this was “to accommodate the possibility of a bigger family.”
Since then, he said his ability to save has been limited because of the financial support he has been giving. “My CPF is minimal due to buying the 4-room resale last year, and I have no savings and no car.”
Given his current financial situation, his girlfriend suggested that he scale down the support he provides to his parents since they are “over 75, retired, and have their own home,” and also receive monthly allowances from his two siblings.
The man disagreed. He explained, “I want to reduce hers. She has her own job, for which she takes home on average, S$10k per month. Nowadays, she keeps saying other guys can afford to give her this and more. So, as the man in the relationship, I should be able to do the same. The only issue I have with being the typical traditional provider is that she isn’t the typical traditional stay-at-home mother either.”
“The job she is in requires her to interact with high-net-worth clients, and she always likes to compare even though she says she doesn’t. And before if anyone suggests she may be tired from housework…we have a helper.”
Seeking perspective, he asked other forum users, “Would it be too much to ask to reduce the S$10k allowance instead? Any advice? And how to broach the subject?”
“You’re an ATM”
In the discussion thread, many urged the man not to let his girlfriend have too much control over his finances or decisions.
One commenter reminded him to think about who’s really been there for him long-term, saying, “Your parents have been by your side since the day you were born and likely will remain with you through thick and thin until the day they pass on. Your GF… I’m not sure.”
Another user wrote, “Bro, hate to break it to you, but if the allowances are not for the purpose of their monthly expenses/shopping as you said, you’re an ATM where she takes and squirrels away for her own financial security at your expense.”
The post author replied to this, saying he had already thought about that possibility, but the situation isn’t so simple. He explained that in the first year of their relationship, she actually helped him.
“In year 1, she helped me at my lowest and lent me S$60k to start up my business. I have since repaid this, and in year 2, she started asking for an allowance. She does spend on me occasionally and offers to pay for her own kids’ stuff, but I just think if I can afford it, she can save it. Prior to knowing her, I was more or less addicted to gaming and had spent tons on it. After her, the spending just shifted from games to her.”
A third commenter chimed in, saying, “The S$10k should be all inclusive of her and the kiddos’ shopping. If it’s me, and my girlfriend says other men can give her just as much or more—when we are already together—I’ll be quite upset. I’ll actually be glad if she leaves me alone for those other men.”
A fourth remarked, “I don’t know if you’re trolling or not, and if that’s not an obvious red flag, you need to see a doctor.”
In other news, a man’s life took an unexpected turn after his company informed him, seemingly out of the blue, that he was “effectively redundant due to company restructuring.”
On Wednesday (Mar 31), he shared his experience on an online forum, revealing that the firm, where he had been employed for a year, had paid out his notice period in full, along with an additional two weeks’ redundancy pay.
Read more: ‘Company paid off my notice and made me redundant overnight’: Man says he’s applied to 60+ jobs already
